Sunday, September 03, 2006

Rhetorical Questions and Crying

I knew this was coming. I knew it had to happen.

The Breakdown.

The Loosing-It.

The Planning-a-wedding-really-sucks-and-why-do-I-have-to-do-this Bratty Complaining Fit.

Here's the thing. I'm not really into the whole wedding thing. I never pictured it. I never thought about it. All I wanted was an amazing man - and that I actually have. The rest of it? Bah. I can do this all myself - who on earth would ever hire a wedding planner? JCew wedding dress, it is! No flowers, no decorations - yes I can do this! Getting married in a far away location, certainly! All if I can avoid this hassle of a I- don't- like- planning- but- I'm- doing- it- for- my- mother event!


Still, there's something to be said about the traditional wedding - the self-centered, over-priced, super-hyped 6-hour event. There's something to be said about having the opportunity to have a fuss made over oneself. When else will other women bake me penis-shaped cookies and adorn themselves in toilet paper wedding dresses? I mean, come on - this is important fuss-making!

A few congratulatory calls people? Maybe an engagement gift? Anyone wanna' throw me a party?

Such rhetorical questions actually led tears, great upsetness, and much comforting on the part of Greg... concluded by the equivalent of make up sex, except that I wasn't angry with him - just the rest of the world. Doesn't it know I'm getting married soon?!

All sarcasm aside, I find myself hoping for just a tiny amount of fuss-making - some small level of This is My Day and I am a Princess feeling. There are a couple of things about my life at the moment that complicate that from ever happening:
  1. 2 years ago I moved 2000 miles away, taking only my dog and way too much shipped via FedEx with me
  2. I met The Boy (TB) at the dog park 7 days after moving to The New Location (TNL) (at the dog park, can you believe it?)
  3. TB and I were successfully dating in TNL within a week after I met him
  4. TNL seems to be particularly void of other interesting people. Who wants to go out with other people when there's the possibility of hanging with TB?
  5. TNL is also filled with an extremely busy job and all sorts of hobbies that cropped up to compensate for the utter lack of other people in my life. Thus, the mercilessly self perpetuating cycle.
  6. The Old Location (TOL) seems to be particularly filled with very good friends that are very terrible at keeping in touch
Thus the dilemma. It's been two years, and TNL is mostly characterized by a lack of other people. Not that I don't have friends - I do have plenty of people to talk to and hang out with - but somebody who wants to go dress shopping with me? Who wants to agonize over details of sage vs. powder green wedding invitations? Who will watch me try on the 11th pair of strappy white shoes and still exclaim, "They Look Fantastic!". This I do not have. Normally such a gaping hole in my otherwise acceptable social life would be no problem (as it hasn't been for the last two years), but there a few things that make it particularly obvious at the moment:

  1. By choosing to get married in Italy with only our immediate family present, we are foregoing a lot of fuss-making and planning, but part of the reason for forgoing it is the...lack of other people to participate in the fuss-making and planning. Thus, with each mention of "italy", there's some reminder of the social aspects of my life I've been totally neglecting in the TNL...which somehow, in my PMS induced state, leads me to conclude that I am friendless hag (obviously not so, thanks blue pill for twisting my emotions to this point)
  2. I may be an independent gal, but I am not about to go try on wedding dresses alone
  3. TB can't go try on wedding dresses with me
  4. I am not getting married in the TNL or TOL, or really anywhere within driving distance or decent internet surfing access.... so basically, I won't know where I'm getting married at, what flowers are available, or who's going to take photos of the event until the week that I actually get there
  5. I forgot #5, but remind me again why this whole Italy thing was a good idea?
I mean, we decided to get hitched in Italy precisely to avoid all of the fuss-making. But I just can't help missing it a teensy bit, especially because under different circumstances I would enjoy some of this. Double especially, my mind is completely consumed by wedding planning, even though I don't... really... have... that... much... to... plan. Given a lack of variety of things to plan, I have found myself planning one thing very, very carefully. And that can get a little intense sometimes. Which leads to much self-pitying and falling asleep with every good intention to wake up in a bad, self-centered mood once again.

But as usual, my mood would not cooperate. Instead of waking up in a bad, self-centered mood like I fully intended to, I woke up with some sense of perspective: it's not that important. I have friends. I have loved ones. There are plenty of people to share in my life, and one particular person that I am particularly grateful for. Yes, it is true, that a suitable girl to go wedding dress shopping with is not located in this particular place (TNL), but there are several such people back in TOL. And when I go visit TOL over thanksgiving, I will have every opportunity to try on 11 pairs of strappy sandals, cursing the fact that I have to plan a wedding all the while with people who can sympathize.

Cuz, you know...strappy white sandals are really important

No comments: