Friday, September 01, 2006

Judging People In Relationships (JPIR)

This morning I hate people I think. We were up very late last night. Greg realized what he did was wrong - what he should have done is stayed dead silent, just like T did. To clarify, Greg absolutely thought what K said was wrong and a terrible thing to say - he just saw it in a larger context. He saw it as a poorly worded comment, not something indicative of prejudice on her part.

That clarified, he still handled the situation really poorly. I am always JPIR. Sometimes I realize that I am engaged to someone who is not as mature as I am. And then I think about it in a different way - that he knows how to handle some situations and I know how to handle others. Is that accurate? I think so. Does it make my frustration go away? Unfortunately not.

Maybe the problem is my problem. That's what the big debate is in relationships: is it me, or him, or us? I spent 5 months convincing myself that I was the problem in my awful, argumentative relationship with my ex. I spent another five months convincing myself it was us, then it was him, and now I realize that it's a little of everything.

Are some people just inherently better or worse than others?

Do you compare yourself to your SO?

I am guilty of that: JPIR. It is unavoidable: every little mistake, every little slip-up... it all feels so important and significant. It all feels like it speaks so much to his personality, even when logically I know that people are complicated things with good days and bad days and nobody will be 100% perfect all of the time. I am a forgiving person under the right circumstances, but oftentimes I am harshest on Greg. I have no tolerance for the fact that he was not as offended as I was about what K said - even knowing that he sees something less black and white than me, sees that she is a good person, a liberal, politically correct journalist, and sees that she said something before thinking about whether she said it right. Even though I know he was trying to diffuse things, even though I know he thought his participation would benefit me, it still angers me. I often just don't care. I see it as a fault. And faults are unacceptable.

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